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This Months Featured Golf Destinations
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The Masters Experience 2007 by Ron Waterson Lucky Bastard Chapter I’m not sure that I could possibly write any more than you would, or could not have read somewhere else about Augusta National. Including the line that was regurgitated at me whenever I mentioned that I was going to the Masters to someone that had been there…”You don’t realize how hilly the place is on TV”. So there you have it…another guy telling you how undulating the course is, all the while spouting off about superior Augusta course knowledge based on an experience that you will likely never have. You can almost hear the na na na na na can’t you? Well, the truth is, I’m probably just like you and I never thought I would walk the hollowed grounds of sanctuarious vegetation we call Augusta National either. But since my wife got what we like to call “the big job”, we have been noticing incentives and perks coming our way as various manufacturers like to keep the cogs of their distribution machine properly lubed. So now I have enjoyed something that I never thought would happen…I have the Masters Experience. Marlon of Merial (wasn’t he a wizard in the 17th episode of some hobbit movie) was our host and he does indeed posses magical powers as far as I’m concerned. We want to thank him and Merial for our Masters experience. While visiting your local veterinarian, be sure to ask for Merial products. Like I wrote earlier, I probably can’t glorify the place any better than has been done before me, so I’ve decided to do the obvious and keep it simple. I’ll tell you what we saw and what stood out as we wandered the grounds of Augusta. Hopefully along the way you can get some idea of what the Masters experience is like and possibly a little knowledge of how to do things that enhance the Masters experience, should you ever become as lucky a bastard as me. Marlon of Merial has deep satchels of pixie dust , so of course he has a hospitality house setup just outside Augusta on Magnolia Drive. This provides us with a home base where we can stop by, eat, drink, and comfortably watch the tournament on large HDTV’s at our leisure…and of course this is all complimentary with our Masters experience. Your experience may not include this. I suspect that the air conditioning can be a great resource too, but not so much this year. Feeling the Masters Spirit Chapter Our day to go to the tournament was Sunday. I like that! We started at the hospitality house for breakfast at about 7:00. After massive breakfast buffet, and yes the bar was open, we walked over to enter Augusta National. First thing to do is purchase an authentic Masters chair at the satellite store just to your left before you go through security. $29.95 and well worth it. More on that later. If they are sold out, you can get one at the main store. Now you go through the rigmarole of security. These people are mostly locals, so being casually polite, which is a big part of the Masters Spirit, will get you through the quickest. If you have timed this properly, the gates where you actually get on the course are not open yet. At this time of morning, a trip through the main Augusta store for memorabilia will save you standing in long lines at the end of the day. You can check your recently purchased items right next door for free. Wow, can you imagine that. Free! Part of the Masters Spirit is that Augusta National does not rape you for the simple things that you will need while attending the tournament. At least not in the usual nickel and dime at every turn fashion, I’m quite confident they are getting it up front in lump sums…anyway, food and drinks are cheap. However, they quit selling cheap beer at 4:00 on Sunday. Now its time to get in line…we get a glimpse across one and nine from here and the anticipation begins to grow. Someone in our group mentions that it looks hillier than on TV. The gates open and the front runners gallop on to the course to claim optimal seating positions. They actually created a cloud of dust…I’m not sure that was in the Masters Spirit. A spectator guide is available that provides aforementioned optimal viewing areas on a nice little map. It’s chocked full of information to assist in enjoying your day while in the proper Masters Spirit. As we walked across the fairways, we really started feeling the excitement (Masters Spirit) of being within the boundary of this historic course. I must say that I am initially far more impressed with the extraordinary conditions of the entire place, than I am with the hilliness that I can not see on TV. There just isn’t a blade of grass or a granule of sand out of place. Even with the chilly weather, the blooms and foliage were magnificent. My wife noted that the woods on the outside boundaries of the course were manicured as far in as the eye could see in. It’s just simply amazing how pristine this place is. One of the best parts of the Masters Spirit is what you can do with your fabulous new Masters chair. You put your business card in the provided slot on the back of the chair, set the chair where you want to watch from, and you’re off to wander the course. No one moves or bothers your chair all day. Amazing! If you haven’t notice already, next time your watching on TV check out all those green chairs in perfect rows. What a concept! So with chairs at the ready for action on the left side of 17 tee box that includes a nice view over to 16 green, we’re off to roam the course and absorb some more of the Masters experience. The Fuzz Chapter We went back over to the first tee and watched Crenshaw and a few of the others that swung too many times the previous three days tee off early. Then Fuzzy Zoeller came along and yucked it up with us. He hit his tee shot, the crowd cheered his right/center of the fairway drive on the opening par four, but before it landed he quipped “yeah that’s great, I just wish I could get there in two”. Since we felt some local connection, we decided to follow the Fuzz for a couple of holes. There are two problems with this: Fuzzy gets an inordinate amount of gallery for his playing skills, and he hits the ball so fast that if you are not staying way ahead of him, you never get to see the swing. Couple these together, and all you get is a guy firing up another cigarette and yuckin’ it up with the gallery. We followed him down two, all the while never moving fast enough to actually see him swing. Not sure what his swing looks like, but the guy can really smoke and bullshit great. After joking about not being able to reach the par four, first hole in two, he hit a great shot to about 25 feet on the par five, second hole in two. Missed the putt, made birdie and that was the last we saw of the Fuzz. We sat at the bottom of the hill on two for a while. It’s a good spot because you can see the green and the guys trying to go for it from back up on top of the hill. You’re also about 110 out, so you get to see the layup guys hit their approaches. I think some guy named Johnson used that strategy well. We wandered around just sucking up the amazing views for a while longer and before you knew it, it was time to head back over the hospitality house for lunch and beverages. Tiger Warm up Chapter I have actually been pretty damn close to Tiger while he was battling Bob May in the PGA Championship at Vahalla, but my wife has not seen the amazing clubhead speed that he generates in person, so I planned to show her on the practice tee as he warmed up. We sat down in the stands at the practice tee after lunch. Tiger hit a perfect drive out of sight, Dawn said “Wow”, Steve grabbed his bag and they whisked off to the pitching practice area. Ooops! Sorry honey, looks like we had one too many masters spirits at the hospitality house. We scurried over to the practice green in hopes of catching him there, but the crowd was already so massive we just moved on to nearby ten tee to watch some golf and make the highly anticipated journey back to Amen Corner. Short chapter. Pissy in Pink Chapter If you are going to wear pink shoes, white pants with pink sweater and a pink fedora that my wife says is the wrong shade, could you be planning on wearing Masters green later in the day? If you hit really crappy shots and act like an ass while dressed like a peacock, people might think of names to call you. Welcome to Ian Poulters world…where he doesn’t care, and apparently no one else matters. Golf can be frustrating, but to spend a day shooting 70 at Augusta National is not a good reason to be spewing expletives and pounding earth with no regard for your playing competitor. I’m quite sure it’s not the Masters Spirit. We first ran afoul of Poulter at our new position on ten tee. He appeared to be staring dead at us at he was coming up the hill from nine green. As he plodded toward us, he had a look of someone that had just had a hot poker shoved in his arse and he was out to kill the culprit. It really looked like he was staring at us. We prayed that whatever he was eyeing with glazed over fury was well beyond us. A since of relief ran over us when his pink predaciousness passed on by and the gate keeper roped the big pink beast in the tee box for our safety. Poor Verplank was stuck in there with him. I have since discovered that Poulter parred nine…Whatever… Anyway, he hit three wood down the right side, which is the wrong side at ten. This prompted him to unleash pink fury on ten tee box with malfunctioning three wood and mumble something that is not part of the Masters Spirit. All the while Verplank watches calmly and uses three wood to put his ball in perfect position on the left, or, correct side of ten fairway. We follow his pinkness down ten to find his ball on the severe downhill lie some 170 yards from the green. This bad iron swing is followed by two violent lashes at the earth that send massive chunks of beautifully manicured fairway skyward. That’s about all the pink we can take, so we just sit down on the right side of 10 fairway and chat with one of those yellow helmet fellas. A guy at a golf tournament wearing a yellow hard hat looks kind of goofy…just like on TV. But he is very nice and quite informative, so we spent a good bit of time enjoying this position and watching the extreme difference between tee shots catching the hill on the left side and running down to a flat lie vs. balls landing on the right side and staying on the downhill slope like pissy did. Although many fairways at Augusta appear to have gracious landing areas, frequently just being in the short stuff is not the only requirement. The approaches are often difficult if you don’t put the ball in the correct part of the fairway. I’m not sure that watching it on TV you can grasp how much….oh never mind…. 14 Green Chapter Before we started over to eleven and the journey into what must be the most well known group of holes in the world, Amen Corner, we were pleasantly distracted by incoming approach shots at 14. We watched Stadler, Pernice, Howell, and the gold shod Ogilvy, try to get tight to a nasty pin placement hiding just beyond a T-Rex grave on the right side of this monstrous green. A few were reasonably successful and left me impressed. Ogilvy hit what had to be the worst wedge shot I have ever seen a tour pro hit. From the right side of the fairway, about 130 out, he hit a fatty that fell 10 yards short of the green and prompted me to tell my wife “I could hit 10 wedges in a row better than that”. I have since proven myself incorrect. Still, I marked Ogilvy down as another flamboyantly dressed golfer that wasn’t manning up to his attire on this day. Gold shoes…C’mon… Aren’t you getting enough attention by winning majors? I should note that if I was ever lucky bastard enough to go to this tournament again, I would hang out in this position for a while. This spot provides a very good view of the approach shot and the putting surface from the hillside just behind the green. Nice and close to the action and it wasn’t too crowded either. Also not too far from the clubhouse, first tee and putting green for those that don’t, or can’t do a lot of walking. Amen Corner Chapter You know, it looks a lot like it does on TV, but it sure is nice to be there. 11 is a risk/reward go for it in two par four….chuckle chuckle…That’s right! at 505 yards most golfers we watched bailed out short right of the green to avoid the possibility of going in the water on their second shot. Wow! Chip it up there, make a putt and get out. Tough hole. The green at 12 is pretty far away and there is no public access. Oddly, I had never noticed this on TV. There is a grandstand to sit and watch action at 11 green and all of 12, but we just sat on the grass for a while and enjoyed the scenery. Think “park like setting”. The area where you can get a birds eye view of the holes is very large…so is the crowd. After soaking it all in, we followed Stenson and Calc up 13 and proceeded to our, right where we left them, seats at 17 tee. We’re just in time for…can you believe this…it’s Pissy in Pink again. 17 Tee Final Chapter We join our host Marlon from Merial, and our new friends, chef extraordinaire CJ and Ruth, who have already re-claimed their seats at 17 tee box. I warn Marlon of Poulter’s poor demeanor just as the pink giant arrives at the tee. He still looks like a big angry peacock. As he stands in a practice swing position just away from his ball, a standard “construction guy sees hot girl whistle” comes from just behind us. Having experienced his volatile pinkness earlier, I thought the whistle would put him on tilt for sure. We fear that we could be mistaken for the admirer, but to Poulter’s credit he doesn’t even acknowledge that anything happened. Perhaps he did hear it and he should have got it out of his system prior to swinging. He sends his tee shot treeward bound….WHAM! He unleashes an overhead, single handed slam that cut through the air with far more authority than his swing. The driver head smashes into the ground with such force that we can feel the vibration in our feet at tee box edge. It is amazing it didn’t break. It’s all I can do to keep myself from blurting “what an ass” and not in the context that the whistling admirer had in mind. I’m guessing Ian is probably not high on the other guys practice round call list. Since we intend to stay in this position until the last group passes, I feel comfortable that we have endured the last pink temper tantrum for the day. Poulter is not what this lucky bastard did not pay to see . Johnson creates a mild cheer followed by an odd low hum from the gallery as the scoreboard indicates back to back birdies at 13 and 14. I feel quite confident the resulting low hum was created by the majority population turning to the person next to them and asking “who’s Johnson?” Then I thought I could hear pages turning as Zach Johnson research hit a fever pitch in the tournament guide. The gallery realizes that not only is this guy leading, but he’s starting to pull away. How could this be? Tiger is just even today….This Johnson guy is now two under with just four to play. But wait... a short while later....we heard it....like no other to be heard...like none before it...There is no need to look at a tee sheet...no speculation as to whom that cheer was for.That was a Tiger roar coming from Amen Corner. Most heads swivel to the scoreboard as an ominous murmur swells in the area. Competitors and gallery alike, stop and look, as golf action around us looses all meaning....the little wizard of oz like man behind the scoreboard becomes the focus. The little man shuffles about and takes down the blank white board for Tigers score on 13 and replaces it with….Eagle, he made eagle at 13! The crowd viewing the scoreboard sends up a cheer that probably has Tiger fans at 13 wondering what happened ahead. Here comes a great Tiger finish. Moments later, this Johnson guy steps up to the tee at 16 with a two shot lead. He’s played solid all day and puts his tee shot within 10 feet. Now something IS happening ahead of Tiger. You can hear the crowd getting behind Johnson now. I think his boyish resemblance to that guy that played Robin in Batman is working just as well as the Davey meets Goliath story unfolding in front of us. He sinks birdie and the crowd goes nuts. He sends an uppercut to imaginary adversary and marches to our location at 17 tee with a very determined look about him. Three shot lead…discussion with caddy…off come the shades…boom…down the right center, perfect. He seems very serious and confident. I turn and mention to Marlon that he looks pretty good with a 3 shot lead and ball in good position on 17 fairway.... Tiger arrives at 16 tee with the masses. Wow! Somehow it looks like more people than I remembered at the PGA Championship. Maybe because I was sitting comfortably and he was coming to me this time, as opposed to me being part of the masses at Vahalla. It gets so quiet when he swings it’s a little scary. Then the masses erupt as his ball lands about 7 feet right, pin high on 16 green. Wow! Johnson has bogeyed 17 and finished with a two stroke advantage over Sabitini. With a birdie from Tiger at 16 he will be within one of the lead with two holes to play. This is where the usual script took a weird turn. Not that I was unhappy with what took place, it just seemed odd. Knowing where he stood in the tournament and surely realizing that he had to have the putt, Tiger hit what appeared to me to be one of the weakest, “please don’t roll past the hole” lag putts I have ever seen. I thought it was totally un-Tiger like. This was no gimme. It was a tough sidewinder, but he never gave it a chance when he had to have it. If you think Tiger never looks shaken, rattled or defeated on the golf course, those of us at 17 tee will tell you it happened. His body language walking up the hill to 17 tee was that of a beaten down man. When he arrived at the tee he sat down on the bench and put his head in his hands for a minute…maybe longer. When he lifted his head from hands, the stress and anguish was plastered on his face. It was a hollow, glazed over gaze from someone with nothing left. It was obvious he knew his day, his chance to complete his Masters experience, was over…. And really, this was the end of the tournament for us too. We gazed out over the masses from afar at Tigers approach on 18 just to see if a miracle could occur, but it did not. We took a slow walk toward the gates while trying to pack in as many visual notes as possible about the course. Perhaps I don’t get it, but the whole “hillier than it looks on TV” just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. That’s not what makes it unique in my mind. It’s definitely the conditions and beauty of Augusta that stand out to me. The way the bunkers add depth and dimension to the greens and fairways. The respect and the will to win you see from most of the players. The way the galleries act…The way you get caught up in it all...The Masters Spirit, as it was explained to and then experienced by this lucky bastard….but, it probably is a little hillier than it looks on TV. |
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